Blogging Complies with Social Distancing Guidelines, Right?

Friends - I'm back and even more jaded than ever! Yeah for you!

I just spent 5 minutes reading the last post I made in 2015 and ooohweeedoggie - so much has happened in the past 5 years. Job changes, love ups and downs and back ups again, I got engaged, got a new car, started and quit smoking, oh, and some idiot was put in charge of the country by the "majority," and many of you actually buy into his bullshit! But, we'll save that rant for later.

See, here it is. In an effort not to polarize myself from others, I keep my honest opinions off of Facebook for the most part.  That's not the case here.  If you don't like what I have to say, you can stop reading right now and move onto whatever conspiracy theory Fox News or other bullshit news sites are feeding you. Here, I unload. Here, you'll get a verbal Bukakke all over YOUR FACE! And you'll like it!! (or not ... your choice ...).

Wow. That felt really good. I'm not going to lie.  I've been holding a lot in, but with the current climate and societal breakdown, it's time to let it OUT.  I'm going to try to take baby steps in this unload so as to not overwhelm your faces, but I'm not making promises ... ;)

I'm going to focus this blog on what's taken place over the past 3 weeks. The month of March, which historically has been my favorite month, is quickly progressing to a large pile of shit and possible policed society.  Unlike some people I know (and live with) I don't believe that Disney started COVID-19 and there is some underlying conspiracy with Tom Hanks possibly being a pedophile (??).  I don't claim to be an expert and have done my best to read and gather my information from expert sources. 

I'm not excited about social distancing, but I don't mind it. Honestly I was made for this.  For the most part, I dislike people (sorry!) and prefer the company of animals, so staying away from the general public isn't difficult for me.  

What I don't like is the underlying fear of not knowing whether you MAY have come across someone who MAY at some time over the past 14 days come in contact with who has Coronavirus.  It's impossible. Statistically, we've all probably been exposed in some "Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon" way.  

So, I don't mind doing my part and holing up for a while.  I get bored and a little stir crazy, but it's a small price to pay to not be a cog in the Corona-spread wheel.   It bothers me when others can't seem to do the same.  A small sacrifice now could be all that it takes to slow this motherfucker down and free us all from being holed up!  

Finally, after 20 years, Rage Against the Machine decided to get together and tour and I GOT TICKETS!  Now, the fucking show is postponed and who in the Hell knows what may happen.  Thanks Obama Corona!

Now, I'm going to get a little sappy. I really hope that amid all of the fear in our hearts and minds and freedoms that we're (temporarily) losing, we can come together.  This is something affecting THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE.  It's not an "us vs. them," or "government vs. us," thing.  We're all in the same predicament. 

If I've got some extra toilet paper, I'll share it with you (and I do have a few extra rolls ...).  If I can help you, I'll do what I can and I hope you can all say the same thing.  The one small thing we can all do is just stay away from each other for awhile.  Social media allows us to stay away from each other while still staying in touch; so stick with that.  Let's have Facebook Live parties or video chats.  Cool?

I really hope that no one I know or that they know gets sick.  I hope that one day we can look back on this and think "Whew. That sucked, but we made it!" I'm pulling for you all, but mostly I'm pulling for US ALL! 

Till next time ... love to you.

It's my birthday, bitches!

I turned 45 years young this month.  It’s crazy!  I remember being in my 20’s and thinking that 35 was old, let alone 45. Funny how your perspective changes over the years... Honestly, I don’t feel older (other than my fucking knees); I just feel wiser, which is a good thing!

I started thinking about how much things have changed over the past 10 years and how I’ve changed, which leads me to my inspiration for this post (insert game show sounds): Spiffy 35 vs. Spiffy 45 – Who Would You Do??  OK, not really. We all know you’d do both of me, but let’s take a moment to compare my life 10 years ago to my life now.

Year, 2005: Spiffy had been happily married since December, 2004. With marriage came a few extra “happy” pounds,” but thankfully her husband didn’t mind. She was working at a job that she didn’t love, but she didn’t hate either. She had a nice house and great friends and family.

For most of the year, Spiffy was happy. She and her husband decided to do what most couples do- start a family. Unfortunately, Mother Nature had other plans.  These losses (yes … there was more than one) weighed very heavily on Spiffy and she turned bitter and got very, very sad. She turned into a person she is very ashamed of and became self-destructive. Like most things, she was pretty good at destroying relationships too, and effectively destroyed her marriage by mid-2006.

So yeah … married life treated me well. If I’m being honest and not “Spiffy surly,” I enjoyed being married and my ex was is a great guy. Unfortunately, we didn’t weather the Spiffy Storm. He’s much happier now with a new wife and a family, so it all ended as it should, I suppose.

Fast forward 10 years to 2015. While Spiffy has had her share of first dates and a few male lovers (slut), there have unfortunately been no long-term relationships in Spiffy’s life. She has definitely loved and lost, so I guess you could say not much has changed over the past 10 years … damn.

But seriously, I’m much more accepting of who I am and I no longer believe that I’m meant to breed. I own my own home; I have a great job and an awesome fur baby. All that’s missing is that ONE man who will love me as much as I love him. Sounds easier than it is, unfortunately … that’s OK. I’m persistent!

Never to end on a down note, while I’ve got a little more flab on my belly and bum, I would like to point out that my boobs are just as awesome at 45 as they were at 35. BOOM!

V8 Moments ...

I was a little salty in my last post. I apologize for the rant, but I had somethings to unload. Consider my load dropped. ;)

Now, onto something more positive and exciting - I'm buying a house!

I know, some of you who know me are shaking your head going, "what the WHA!?" Here's the deal; I had a V8 moment last month while I was sitting around, thinking about my life. It just hit me that it was time. I am tired of living in someone else's home.

I've never really wanted to own my own home. I thought it would probably be too expensive and I didn't want to mess with the upkeep. I was also holding onto the (now pretty slim) possibility that I'd meet the next "Mr. Spiffy." 

I'd daydream about him professing his eternal love to me... We'd decide that we couldn't spend any nights away from each other, so we'd buy a house and in this house we'd have lots of awesome sex! (RECORD SCRATCH) But then I woke up. 

I realized that I'm tired of waiting around for life and love to HAPPEN to me. I need to MAKE it happen. I know ... so philosophical, Spiffy, but I really do hold myself back from happiness at times and I'm not sure why. I'm trying really hard to fix this character flaw!

I started thinking about how much I don't like being told what I can and can't put in my garbage disposal, how many dogs or what breed dog I can own, whether or not I can nail anything into my walls, or worrying about making too much "noise." (wink, wink)

So, about a month ago I thought I'd put it out to the universe that it was time for me to be a SOLO homeowner. I reached out to a girl friend of mine who had recently posted on Facebook that she's now a real estate agent. I've known Annie since middle school, but I never really "knew" her.

I am so happy that I had my epiphany and so happy that I reached out to Annie! She isn't only my real estate agent; I really do consider her my friend. She's SO positive and within the first week of looking, helped me find my PERFECT little forever home!

Everything has moved really fast, but really smoothly. I'm a big believer in things that are "meant to be," and feel that this process has moved as smoothly as it has because it's the right path; it's the path I'm supposed to be taking. 

So, barring an apocalypse, by the end of January I will be moved into my NEW HOME! It's been renovated and is seriously move-in ready. I'll have to put up a fence in the Spring, but that's about it. 

So, there it is. The first non-surly Spiffy blog post. Never fear ... I'm sure I'll have something to snark about soon, so keep on checking back. ;)

Truth be told ...

If I'm anything, I'm honest. Sometimes to a fault. I don't believe in telling people lies to make them feel better or to avoid an uncomfortable situation. Lies NEVER make you feel better and uncomfortable situations pass as quickly as they came along.

I've come to realize that there are two kinds of people in this world: those who would rather lie to you or avoid uncomfortable situations by just ignoring you, and those who can step up and tell it like it is. 

I've got several examples, but let me start with one that is so outrageous, I still can't wrap my mind around it. I dated a guy a couple of years ago and if you'll recall, I wrote about the number he did on my head and my heart. Well, over the years I've let go of the hurt and anger I felt toward him and tried to remember that he's a human being who just handles things (much) differently than I would. 

Every once in a while I'll get a Facebook message from him wanting to apologize and weasel his way back into my life. Up until recently, I've kept him blocked (literally) and thwarted his efforts.  

In July, when my Baby Z passed away (my dog ... not my actual baby), he apparently FB stalked me and saw my post because he reached out and sent his condolences. I accepted and we started talking. I shook the ice off my shoulders and gave him a chance to be my friend again over the next couple of months, but, once again, he proved that he just can't be honest about anything. His M.O. was always to make plans then just leave me hanging with no apology or explanation. The straw that broke the Spiffy's back was when he asked me to go out on a Friday, then never followed up. He just let me sit around and wait to find out we were doing and then blew me off. 

Guys (and girls) let me tell you; there's a better way to handle a situation like this. Just tell the person that you changed your mind or that something came up. Or, better yet, don't ask them out if you don't plan on following through. It's pretty simple. There wouldn't have been an argument or any hard feelings if he'd said he changed his mind and been honest about his intentions, but instead, he treated me like my time and my feelings meant nothing. Fuck off for good. Douche.

I'll also never understand why someone chooses to not respond to a direct question - literally never respond - vs. just telling the truth. For example, I was texting back and forth with a friend of mine, and about the 3rd or 4th text I decided to ask him if he wanted to go to a concert with me. I have an extra ticket and was looking for someone cool to go with me. No strings, just two adults enjoying some kick ass music. If we happened to have ended up horizontal sometime in the evening, well, so be it... ;) 

Instead of telling me no, he wasn't interested, he literally said nothing. No response. At. All. Is it that hard to tell a girl no, guys? It's a small word. It's not necessarily a hurtful word; it's an honest word. In fact, it's much more hurtful to just ignore a person completely. Be human. 

That goes for girlfriends, too. Don't be a dick and not respond when a friend reaches out to you. I don't care how busy you are or how tired you are or blah, blah, blah. Be a friend. Keep in touch. Text message or call or send a carrier pigeon. Whatever. 

Sorry, I'm feeling a little salty today. Someone flipped on the bitch switch, huh?? Like I said ... honest to a fault. 

Alright, that's enough of that. I'll leave on a positive note and ask for all of your positive thoughts - I've decided to buy a house! I've gotten my pre-approval and I'm going to start looking next week. I'm pretty excited about it, but I'm keeping a level head and open mind. I'm not going to get my heart hurt if I can't find what I'm looking for, but I REALLY hope I do!  I'll write more about this adventure next time. 

Awkward ...

There are many situations that could be deemed awkward. Like walking around the Wyandotte County courthouse wearing Santa boots. Or, receiving a text message from your ex "lover" that he obviously meant to send to his new whore. And, how about being asked out for drinks by a hot guy, only to find out he's got a serious girlfriend?  Yep. All awkward, and all happened to me ...

The Santa boots thing - not a huge deal. I got a few curious glances, but let's face it; even with the boots, I was still better dressed than 99% 100% of the people waiting in line 5 HOURS to renew their tags. Thankfully, my purpose for gracing the halls was business related, so I was in and out with a nod and a wink! 

The text message thing was really more of a pisser than it was awkward. It was apparently awkward for him, though, because I haven't heard from him since (prick), but whatever. He was sending the same texts to her that he'd sent to me a month earlier, so that says a lot about his game, huh? At least I held onto that dick pic ... (it was impressive ... I couldn't delete it. Don't judge.)

Drinks with the hot guy - I'll be honest, I had a feeling he had a girlfriend, but I wasn't sure. It was quickly confirmed when he told me he'd been looking at houses in Mission Hills with her earlier in the day.  Plus, he spent most of the time asking me business-related questions instead of staring deep into my cleavage. I'd say that's pretty serious.

Oh well. Until the next awkward encounter, stay smooth like Skippy!

I'm talkin' me and Dot are swingers...

As in "to swing..." Yep. That happened.

Usually I'm fully in touch with my inner "freaky little monkey," but something happened last night that I totally missed until I replayed the evening in my head this morning - I'm pretty sure I was propositioned to "swing" with a couple of 60 year olds. 

First, let me talk about this couple. The female in this "swinger sammie" (we'll call her B) is cool, hip, hot and didn't look a day older than maybe late 40's. This woman is who I aspire to be when I'm 60. Seriously. She sings in a band, plays a couple of instruments and is strikingly beautiful. I almost asked about her skin care regimen because she's doing something right, for sure!

Her husband, on the other hand, must have sprinkled magic fairy dust on himself to veil his true appearance because he's no where near her league. Good ups to him because she seems to love him with all of her heart; they're actually a really cool, sweet couple. 

So, onto the kicker. When they left the party (they held B's 60th surprise b-day party at my event space last night), he turned around to me and said, "Get in touch if you want to party. We're always down to party." I didn't think much about it, told him I didn't know of any parties and went home.  DUH!

Am I wrong? Maybe he really did just want to party with me (I am kind of cool), but I think there was a naughty undertone to his version of "party." Is "party" code for something in the swinger world?? Kind of like the white rock? 

I'm pretty sure I smelled the marijuana during the evening, so maybe he was asking me to "party" aka smoke a "fatty boom blatty"? Who knows. Regardless, neither swinging nor dope are part of my repertoire, so I'd disappoint them either way. 

Never one to disappoint, I'll leave you all with this. 

Back by Popular Demand!

I've had a few people ask me over the past few months when I was going to write again. After two friends in the same night told me that they miss reading my fucked up life stories, I decided it was time to jump back on the blog train to "Over Sharesville." Jill and Val - here you go!

So here's the deal; I've had a lot to write about, I've just been a little apprehensive about sharing. Over the years I've exposed most of my "soft underbelly" of failed relationships, interesting encounters, sarcastic opinions and poor decisions. Like a ninny, I started worrying about what people thought of me, so I quit sharing. Plus, I've had some scars that cut a little deeper than most over the past few months, so I needed time to heal and put life back into perspective. I'm feeling at least 80%, so I think it's time to let Spiffy back out and set her loose. (Hands at 10 and 2. Check mirrors. Signal. Enter traffic) ... and we're off!

I know that a lot of my married friends think that I live the glamorous life being single with no kids. I can bone who I want. Sleep as late as I want. Do whatever I want (...it does sound fucking fantastic, doesn't it?) Truth be told, the shininess has worn off. I'm ready to find my best friend and partner in crime. 

The problem is the same as what it's been for a while now, though - slim pickins (insert pic for effect). 

I guess I should clarify: there are a lot of men, but not a lot of men who I'd let in my pants. Well, I guess I should clarify: there are a lot of men who I'd let in my pants, but they don't seem to want in my pants. Actually, let me clarify: there are a lot of men who I'd let in my pants and who want in my pants, but they don't want anything more.  Finally.

I think I'll just blame it on Obama. He seems to be at fault for everything else, right Republicans??! But, I digress...

I'm not going to dive in any deeper tonight. Just sticking my toe in to check the water. But, I will close with this - be weary of men who buy mini paper clips and try to play them off as nipple clamps. They are NOT the same. 

Smooches!

I Don't Mean to Brag, But ...

I'm a funny mo fo!  I've been reading back through all of my blogs since the beginning (copying them into Word so I can start penning my life into my best selling memoir!), and have been laughing for the past hour.  My life truly is a shit-show at times!

I've noticed that I haven't been as surly, crude, or (if I'm being honest in my critique), as funny since I was dumped by d-bag in July of 2012, and I need to do something about that! 

So, with that being said, you should all know that at the prodding of a couple of my friends, I've decided to weigh my breasts. And, contrary to their smart-assed belief, my boobs are only around 400 grams or 1 lb. each. So THERE! 

Note: These are not my boobs. And, they definitely weigh more than 1 lb each.

Now, I'm not making any promises that the weighing process was scientific. I used my Weight Watcher scale and tried to stay still, but it's pretty close! Yeah, that just happened...

I haven't felt well the past couple of days and stayed home from work today. Let's just say, I'm getting bored. There's got to be something more productive for me to do during my day of convalescence, but who knows. At least I learned something new! :)

Happy New Year!

It's been a few months since I've graced you all with my blogging presence, so I thought it fitting to kick of 2014 by unloading my thoughts onto you.  After all, it's been a long time. Shouldn't have left you. Without a dope beat to step to (step to, step to, wicky wicky wicky...)  Yeah, I just blog-rapped your ass!

So, 2013 was definitely not the best year of my life. I spent the first 5 1/2 months searching my soul, while searching for a new job. I didn't mind the soul search; I actually learned a lot about myself and realized how strong and resilient I truly am. The job search sucked.  Period. There is nothing fun about basically whoring yourself out while trying to convince people that you are the perfect person to fill their coveted job. If you haven't interviewed in awhile, I suggest you give it a try. It's a hoot! 

21 interviews later, I landed back in radio. It's been a rough six months, but I think the waters are looking a little less choppy in 2014. If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again, right?? (you see the Aaliyah theme here?) 

Enough about that (dusting off shoulders, gangsta-style)! How about a look at my love life in 2013? I had a couple of escapades and some GREAT stories (most that I won't share with you ... sorry), but there was definitely no love connection. 

It continues to baffle me how difficult it is to find another human being to "connect" with. There are millions of people roaming this beautiful Earth and for one reason or another, I (like many others) can't find my other half. I meet guys who I'm interested in, but either they aren't available or they aren't interested in me or they're hung up on someone else ... you get the picture. 

Ever the optimist, I'm continuing my quest into 2014! Every bad date I have is another story for my memoir, right?? :)  Which leads me to my next thought, I'm going to write a book this year.  It's time to put all of my thoughts, stories, and experiences to good use! I mean, you guys get a kick out of reading about my shit-show life, why wouldn't others?? :0  I'm looking for volunteers to keep me on task and edit my work. Apply within. Be prepared to whore yourself out in the interview process because I'm sadistic like that. ;)

As cliche as this is, I'm starting this year with a clean slate in my heart and mind. I will forgive those who've wronged me, forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made, stop letting my past affect how I look at my present, stop beating myself up over my chub, and will do my best to stop assuming everyone has an ulterior motive to their kindness. (How about that for a cathartic look at my demons??) 

I will also keep using random song lyrics to make a point, cussing like a sailor, giving as much as I've got to give to finding homes for homeless animals, secretly twerking in my front room with my dogs (well, they don't twerk, they just watch ... in awe), and breaking out in random songs for no reason at all.

Happy 2014, bitches!! (I use that term with nothing but love.)

Introspection and retrospection ...

I want to begin by stating that, in all honesty, I am happy with the person I am today. Now onto the introspection:

Do you ever look at other people and wonder how they got lucky enough to live your life? The life you always thought you'd live, but somewhere along the way, your course changed and you ended up "here." 

"Here" isn't a bad place, it just wasn't what you'd pictured for yourself. The sad part is, "here" is exactly where you placed yourself. All of the choices you made lead you right to where you are today. Here.

While I type this, I realize that it sounds like I'm unhappy with my life, and I truly am not, but I've found myself dwelling a lot lately on experiences and relationships that I'll likely never have. And, it kind of bums me out.  

I also realize that the people who are living "my" life probably look at me and think that I've got it made. It's all about perception, right?

I have this sinking feeling deep in my heart that I'm going to wake up one day and be too old to do any of the things that I now want to do or see any of the things I want to see. And THAT scares the shit out of me. Mortality has shown it's ugly face and I spend a lot of time fighting with it.

Every day I come home to a one-bedroom apartment and two dogs. I don't share my day's experiences with anyone. I go to the gym and sweat, but I rarely interact with anyone. I watch TV and read my social media and play my Words with Friends. I have gotten accustomed to being alone, so much that I have to force myself to be around people sometimes. I know. Hard to believe, but it's true. Spiffy is a bit of a loner ... 

Being off work for 5 1/2 months made me realize that I can survive anything and that I've put way too much emphasis on my career. I've focused so much on what I THOUGHT I should be or wanted that I may be missing out on experiencing LIFE. The problem is, I keep waiting around to find someone to experience life with me, and it may never happen.

I was reminded tonight of the Shel Silverstein story, "The Giving Tree." Do I ask too much of my tree? Am I being selfish?

I don't have an answer for myself right now, but I do know that I shouldn't be comparing my life to others. To quote my good buddy, Buddha, "Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without."  Hopefully this "blog therapy" will help me focus on this a little more. :)

This Girl is on FIRE!

It's official. I'm no longer suckling off of the government teat. I got a job! Not just any job, mind you. I'm going back into radio ad sales, where my heart and passion lies.

I have always been a music junky and have always wanted to work in radio or around music. In fact, I went to the Columbia School of Broadcasting back in the early 90's because I thought that's what every DJ did ... I was naive. :)

The $3k I spent on my schooling wasn't a complete waste. I learned how to enunciate and how to properly pronounce "Moscow." (It's MOS CO, not MOS COW.) Now you know. 

Fast forward to October, 2001, when my journey into radio began. Imagine: Spiffy is sitting at her desk, working as an insurance agent for AAA. It's early in the morning and Spiffy is simply miffed. She hates her job and wants something more. She's listening to her favorite radio station at the time - E105. The Joe Show (morning show at the time) was giving away a trip to New York City to promote tourism after 9-11. Spiffy enters the contest by sending an e-mail to the DJ. She tells the DJ how she's always been a big fan of Hair Metal music, yadda yadda, wit and charm, and that she'd love to win the trip.

Later that afternoon, Spiffy gets a call from Joe who told her that he LOVED her e-mail, thought she was super funny and offered her a free trip for two to New York City for a week! Spiffy jumped on the chance and took a trip that literally changed her life. 

I'll go back into first person now. Third person is so pretentious. :) While on this trip, I met so many people who would impact my life. I met my ex-husband, who was the promotions guy for the station. I met my good friend, Elaine, who helped talk me into going back to radio. I met my former boss, friend and now co-worker, Janel, who also helped talk me into going back to radio. The list goes on. This trip was pivotal for me and led me to my first venture into radio sales with E105/Jack FM.

I spent 3 1/2 years working in a field that I loved, but somewhere along the way I let the grind get the best of me and I lost my spark. I was a much different person back then and, quite honestly, I didn't have as much confidence in myself as I do today. Radio sales is a tough business. If it were easy, everyone would do it because it is fun and can be very profitable. 

I've been struggling for the past 5 months, wondering why no one felt I was the right fit for their company and the position. I now believe that I received all of those rejections because the universe was pushing me to return to radio. It took me a minute to receive the message, but it finally sunk in and now I feel at peace. 

I know that it's going to be rough and that there will be some days that I'll just want to say fuck it and walk away, but I won't. While being unemployed for five months sucked, it taught me a huge lesson about myself: I'm stronger than I thought, I'm more resilient than I could ever imagine and the haters will continue to hate, I just have to continue to be better than them. I am in charge of my own destiny and the negative words and thoughts of others are their burden to bear, not mine.

These past few months I've received support from people who I'd never imagine would care, but they did. I'll do my best to repay them all in one way or another and I'll continue to pay it forward. I've always known, but believe even more now that positive actions bring about positive consequences. 

So, I'll spend my last week of "vacation" relaxing, visiting with my friends and family and learning how to wake up before 7:30 am again. Come July 1st, watch out because this girl is ON FIRE! :)

Superheroine or sucker??

Do you want to know how to spoil a Saturday? Well let me tell you!

Wake up after a much needed night of deep, peaceful rest, check your e-mail and read another rejection letter. It was very nice and wishes me "luck on my endeavors" just like every other good rejection, but still. Why send it on a Saturday morning? 

I went back through my calendar and confirmed that I've had 9 in person interviews and 8 rejections. I just interviewed with the 9th yesterday, so here's holding onto hope that I'll finally get that elusive second interview! It's like I'm Elmer Fudd hunting wascilly wabbits or something!

I do have another interview on Tuesday with a REALLY great, solid company. Unfortunately it's a two-hour, four person interview, so yeah ... there's that to deal with ... 

I'll pull out an oldie but goody cliche: what doesn't kill me makes me stronger, right? If that's the case, I'm like the SHE HULK right now! With each rejection I've received, more strength (and mistrust) develops. This She Hulk character is almost a perfect depiction of me. Just imagine she has red hair, a chubbier waist and her confidence is lying in a puddle around her feet ...

"You don't want to frustrate me ... you wouldn't like me when I'm frustrated ..."

Holla!

Happy Friday, friends! Hey, did you realize that EVERY day is Friday when you're unemployed?!  Remember that when you're posting "Whoo hoo! It's Friday!" messages on Facebook.  If you love Friday that much, you could have it every day, like me!! :)

I've officially been unemployed for three months. It's crazy to me because I've been working since I was 15 and the only time I haven't worked was that semester I went away to CMSU. Go Mules!

Ah, the salad days ... Wednesday night happy hours at the Mule Skinner led to Thursday morning hangovers in Mass Communication class; locking myself in my dorm room to stay away from the East St. Louis bitches who were threatening to throw me and my roommate out our window; hooking up with some guy at a frat party - all while making the honor roll. Gotta love college life! (SCREECH!) Back to reality ...

Being unemployed puts your life in perspective, for sure. I realize how much emphasis I've put on my education and career. I've defined myself by my job title and in the scheme of life, my title means nothing. I'm still soul searching to figure out what's REALLY important to me. I'll let you know when I get closer to figuring it out. :)

To catch you all up, I've had 16 interviews, either in person or over the phone. 16!  How can anyone bomb that many interviews?!  What. The. Fuck!? OK, to give myself credit, I didn't bomb all of them. Some of them I didn't want, others I'm really not sure what happened and others I'm still hoping to hear back. 

I've learned throughout this process that you can't trust what people tell you. I've been told that the next process was a second interview to then find out that they hired someone right after me (this happened twice). I've been asked to interview and then had the interview canceled on me less than 24 hours later. I've been told that they will make a decision in two weeks to find out that they still haven't made a decision a month later. Mostly, I've been ignored. People are rude. 

To make this process more exciting, I think I'm going to start a drinking game. Each time someone asks to speak with me, I drink. Each time someone asks to interview me, two drinks. Each time I actually interview, three drinks. If I ever get called back for a second interview, that bottle is gone!  Once I get a job offer, drinks on me for everyone!  OK, maybe that's a stretch, but it sounds like fun, right? Who's in?!

OK, I'm bored with all of this unemployment talk. Time to play Candy Crush.

Peace out!

Om Mani Padme Hum

Hello, friends! Let's catch up on the last month, shall we?

First of all, I'm still unemployed, but I'm much closer to jumping off of the government teat, so that's a good thing!  ;)

There is one job in particular that I really, really, really want and should hear about this week. I've seriously done everything that I can to get this job: I studied HARD CORE for the interview and feel like it went really well, I followed up, and even hand-delivered cupcakes with a note. If they don't appreciate my efforts, then I guess it's just not meant to be and I'll have to accept that. 

Seriously, I've prepared for and studied so much that I should write a book about how to prepare for and interview for a job. Except that I haven't gotten a job yet so there's that ...

Next up, my abysmal dating life. I went out on three dates with a guy, recently, but there was quite obviously not a love connection, so I decided not to waste either of our precious time. He was very nice and smart and somewhat interesting, but I don't think he was interested in ME.

I learned a lot about him because he spoke incessantly about his job and his life, but really never asked any questions about me. I offered up information because I felt he should know who he was hanging out with, but he never asked for more. The last time we went out, I purposely quit asking questions to fill the air just to see if he would. We sat in silence and people watched for an hour. It's OK. He was REALLY skinny and I'm pretty sure I would have broken him if it ever came down to sexy time, anyway.

There was another guy who I thought that I may be interested in, but then he called me and after five minutes on the phone, I wrote it off. Hard core, huh? All it took was him telling me that he was scared to travel outside of the country because of "what's going on in the world right now" for me to write him off. Pussy. 

Then there was a third guy who called me and within one minute of ever speaking with him, asked me why I hadn't had kids. Next! Let's face it; I'm not ready to date right now, anyway. 

Finally, I have some heartwarming news which I feel I can share. I found out today that my dad has a girlfriend! He told me that he doesn't care if people know, so I feel comfortable writing about it. 

My step mom has been gone for three years and I wondered whether my dad would ever open up his heart again and meet someone. She was the love of his life and always will be; but being the silver fox that he is, the ladies couldn't stay off his jock!  OK, that's a little extreme, but he did meet a nice lady (or she sounds like she's nice) and he's happy. 

They are planning a trip and he's going to fly! My dad is terrified of heights and I've never known him to fly, so this must really be a big deal. I cried when he told me it made me so happy! 

Here's to a great week full of great news!

It's Warm-Fuzzy Time ...

I had a much needed GNO last night which involved a couple of beers, a lot of people watching and some kick ass music!  

People watching is the best! I saw a couple of girls who were definitely going to end up bent over a bed later and/or bent over a toilet, depending on which came first. But, I digress ...

One of the girls I was out with I've known for years, but we'd never really been close. I really dig her, but I realized that I didn't know a lot about her. After our conversation last night, I vow to do a better job "knowing" my friends.

I found out that she, too, had lost her job in the past and had actually been out of work for a year and half. She understood what I was going through and gave me some great advice and encouraging words. There's something comforting in commiserating with people who've had the same experiences. It makes you feel like a little less of a loser and restores your hope that this will all work out for the best.

She suggested that I watch J.K. Rowling's Harvard commencement speech from 2008. She mentioned that the speech had a great message about finding the positive in failure and making the most out of what life dishes out. Because, let's face it, we all experience failures, some larger than others. We are defined not by our failures, but by how we bounce back and move on.

I'd like to share this with you all and hope that you'll take some time to watch it. Her message definitely touched me based on what I'm currently going through, but it's one that I feel should touch and inspire all of us in one way or another.

Peace and love, friends. And thanks, Debbie!

The Unemployment Chronicles - Membership has its Priviledges ...

For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of being on unemployment, they apparently now require everyone to check-in in-person every four weeks. I completed my first check-in today and I have to say, I feel like I need a shower after that trip.

I went to a satellite office up by the airport, so it was a little less disgusting than I'm sure it would be a their main office, but no less humiliating.

You're required to complete a profile online and answer twelve "basic assessment" questions, I guess to make sure you're not a complete, unemployable dullard. Apparently I aced the math and missed one of the reading questions - seriously? It didn't really matter, but being the over achiever that I am, I almost asked her to re-take the assessment. Almost.

There was a guy ahead of me there for his check-in. He had to bring along his girlfriend to use the computer because he didn't know how to use a computer. I'm pretty sure she really didn't know how to use a computer, either, but her struggle was much less than his.

He stunk like cigarettes and bon fire and left his smell on the seat so that I could sit in it as I met with the nice lady running the office. She and I had a  laugh over how much he stunk and how dirty and nasty he was. She mentioned that his hands were covered in dirt and soot and that she "didn't know how that woman let him touch her." She said, "I'd tell him 'go wash your fuckin' hands'! Oh, Lord, forgive me!" Yes, she dropped the "F" bomb on my 4-week check in. We are now besties.

So, I'm officially a card carrying member of the Missouri Career Center Full Employment Council. Yes, they give you a card and call you a member. I'm framing this bitch when this is over, mark my words!

Happy Friday!

Pretty in Pink ... Isn't sheeee....

Yes, I'm still unemployed, but I've decided that I'm not going to dwell on it or write much about it tonight. I've had a couple of good interviews and the law of numbers tells me that something will fall into place soon (at least that's what I learned in my first sales position).

I am amazed at how relaxed I've felt lately. I seriously could get used to not working (as long as I had money, of course). I don't miss the stress and bullshit of the corporate world and am thinking seriously about getting out of it. One of the jobs I interviewed for would be out of the "hustle and bustle" and I hope they liked me enough to offer me the position. I think a change is in order.

I'm not naive enough to believe that I won't have stress at any job, but I promise I'll never again work for a company that considers it a sport to yell at and berate their employees. Mark my words.

So, onto the fun stuff. It's no secret that I dabble in the world of online dating from time to time. Well, to be honest, lately it's just been a lot of messages and no effort on the guy's part to actually meet me, so there has been more dabbling than "dating."

Truly, I don't know why I still do it because I seem to only meet people with commitment issues or admitted STDs. Those of you who know me know that I don't give up easily, so I think that it's become a sport to me to prove that busy NORMAL people actually can meet online. Well, I've had a new issue thrown at me - cross dressing.

I met "George" a few months ago (honestly, I don't remember his name). We chatted and started texting and playing Words with Friends. I was really busy getting ready to move, so we decided that we'd meet once I got settled. Well, once I got settled and was ready to meet, he decided that I lived too far away (whatever) so we quit talking.

He recently sent me a message but I couldn't figure out who it was from because his profile pic had changed (see the shock and horror below):

This would indicate to me that he takes cross dressing seriously. I mean look at the amount of eyeliner for fuck's sake! He's not fucking around! And the pink wig? I can only imagine the nipple shot if he'd decided to pan down ... ugh.

So, needless to say, I didn't respond to his message, nor have I asked him WHAT THE FUCK? I'm pretty open minded, but I don't want to date a guy who wears more makeup than me - PERIOD.

People, I swear, I don't make this shit up.

Peace out.

The Unemployment Chronicles - Saturday Motivation

It's Groundhog Day and yes, this day feels like I've lived it 1000 times, yet it's only 9:36 am. "...I got chu babe ...."

I am surprised that I haven't really freaked out about my "job situation" yet. In my heart, I believe that everything will work out and I'll find a good, fulfilling job. I'm not willing to just take whatever's thrown at me. It's important that I continue to further my career and not just settle. The pole isn't looking good ... yet. :)

I assume that I didn't get the job I'd interviewed for since I never heard back. I thought I'd at least get an e-mail letting me know they'd decided to go in a different direction, but I guess not. I know that I tried my best, followed up, sent reasons why they should hire me, etc. If none of that worked, it wasn't meant to be and obsessing over it won't change anything.

I was thinking this morning about all of the little things that I miss about having a job. Mostly it's the freedom of spending money knowing that I'll have more later. I miss little things like going to a coffee shop and buying a nice cup of coffee and going out to eat whenever I want (example: Mexican food. I would seriously blow a hobo for some Salsa Grill right about now ...).

I miss filling up my car vs. putting in a few gallons to get by until prices go back down. I miss meeting my friends out for a drink without feeling like a leech getting free drinks. I also miss using my brain. I miss having conversations with people, not just my dogs. I don't feel useful right now and that's a frustrating feeling.

Basically, I'm not very good at being idle. What is it they say about idle hands, that the "devil finds work" for them? Well bring it on Wicked One, I'm bored!  I'm kidding. I'll never get that bored.

(So that you guys understand the process behind my blog "magic," I literally just spent 5 minutes researching "idle hands" quotes and "satan nicknames." At least I wasn't looking for images this time. Oprah only knows what would have popped up!)

I did find a really good quote, though, from one of my faves, Buddah. "To be idle is a short road to death and to be diligent is a way of life; foolish people are idle, wise people are diligent." 

I believe that diligent is one of 5 good words that describe me well. (I'll let you all come up with the other 4, and bitch had better not be one of them!). There hasn't been anything thrown at me yet that's kept me down so watch me get back up and kick some serious ass!

Remember, "Success comes in cans; failure in can'ts." It's time for my CAN of whoop ass to be opened! OK, I think I've sufficiently motivated myself for now. Time for a shower.


 

The Unemployment Chronicles - blah blah blah

I've officially been unemployed for two weeks. I've grown into a steady routine of waking up, hitting the gym, then applying for jobs. I'm telling you, there are actually a lot of jobs out there that I'm qualified for and would likely enjoy, but it's a BITCH getting anyone to call you back! I've never had this much trouble getting someone's attention. Maybe I should flash my tits ... that always seems to work. I kid. :)

Remember that job interview I had a week and a half ago? I found out this morning that the decision maker has been sick, which is why I haven't heard about the job - YET. I received an e-mail from the HR lady letting me know I should hear by the end of the week. I'm still feeling pretty good about my chances - cross whatever you've got for good luck and send it my way!

Random thought: I saw a commercial tonight for a new dating site called "blackpeoplemeet.com." Seriously? Is it necessary to create a website specifically to encourage inter-racial dating? What if someone created "whitepeoplemeet.com"? Oh wait ... it does exist. It's called the KKK. (ba dum dum).

Don't get me wrong, I'm well versed in online dating and I know first hand that it is extremely difficult to meet people online with which we have any interest in, let alone much in common. But, there is something about the site that rubs me the wrong way. Oh well. Good luck to them!

(Note: I was trying to think of something witty and smart assed to say about a crush that I have on a hot black actor so I Googled images of "hot black guys" to help me with my writers block. Apparently the Interwebs felt that I was looking for hot "naked" black guys ...  Whoa.)

On that note, I'll leave you all to decide whether you want to Google and find out for yourselves. ;) Peace out.

The Unemployment Chronicles - one long weekend

Hey friends, it's Sunday! I'm telling you that so that I can keep track of what day it is, not because I think you're all lacking in access to a calendar.

I'm beginning to feel a little like Chuck in Castaway. I haven't yet started having conversations with balls (well, there was that guy this weekend ... I kid ...), but I do feel like I need to make a concerted effort to keep track of which day it is because they've begun to blur together. Boo hoo. Suck it up, Spiffy!

When I talk to my friends about my "present predicament," they all tell me, "It will be OK." I want to say, "How do you know? Do you have a direct line to Ms. Cleo?" I know that they all mean well, but it could end up being "not OK."

I mean seriously, I'm sure the majority of the homeless people we pass on the streets each day thought they would be OK, too. But, instead, they're wearing 2nd hand, K-Mart panties, using cigarette ashes for eyeliner and eating pork-n-beans for breakfast, lunch and dinner.  I REFUSE TO WEAR K-MART PANTIES! 

Maybe my disdain for anything K-Mart or ash-related will be the spark I need make sure that everything is, in fact, OK. It's a weird, scary feeling to not know whether things will truly be "OK."

Out of the pity pool and onto the fun stuff, Debbie Downer! I had a really good weekend. I had some good laughs and drinks with my friends and caught up with an old friend who I haven't seen in years. He filled my head with stories of my high school debauchery that I don't remember, but that I don't doubt either. We had a lot of fun in high school, but I am thankful that I don't have a daughter like me. :)

Tomorrow is Monday and let's hope that it's HIRE DAY! Positive thoughts!

xoxo