Friends - I'm back and even more jaded than ever! Yeah for you!
I just spent 5 minutes reading the last post I made in 2015 and ooohweeedoggie - so much has happened in the past 5 years. Job changes, love ups and downs and back ups again, I got engaged, got a new car, started and quit smoking, oh, and some idiot was put in charge of the country by the "majority," and many of you actually buy into his bullshit! But, we'll save that rant for later.
See, here it is. In an effort not to polarize myself from others, I keep my honest opinions off of Facebook for the most part. That's not the case here. If you don't like what I have to say, you can stop reading right now and move onto whatever conspiracy theory Fox News or other bullshit news sites are feeding you. Here, I unload. Here, you'll get a verbal Bukakke all over YOUR FACE! And you'll like it!! (or not ... your choice ...).
Wow. That felt really good. I'm not going to lie. I've been holding a lot in, but with the current climate and societal breakdown, it's time to let it OUT. I'm going to try to take baby steps in this unload so as to not overwhelm your faces, but I'm not making promises ... ;)
I'm going to focus this blog on what's taken place over the past 3 weeks. The month of March, which historically has been my favorite month, is quickly progressing to a large pile of shit and possible policed society. Unlike some people I know (and live with) I don't believe that Disney started COVID-19 and there is some underlying conspiracy with Tom Hanks possibly being a pedophile (??). I don't claim to be an expert and have done my best to read and gather my information from expert sources.
I'm not excited about social distancing, but I don't mind it. Honestly I was made for this. For the most part, I dislike people (sorry!) and prefer the company of animals, so staying away from the general public isn't difficult for me.
What I don't like is the underlying fear of not knowing whether you MAY have come across someone who MAY at some time over the past 14 days come in contact with who has Coronavirus. It's impossible. Statistically, we've all probably been exposed in some "Seven Degrees of Kevin Bacon" way.
So, I don't mind doing my part and holing up for a while. I get bored and a little stir crazy, but it's a small price to pay to not be a cog in the Corona-spread wheel. It bothers me when others can't seem to do the same. A small sacrifice now could be all that it takes to slow this motherfucker down and free us all from being holed up!
Finally, after 20 years, Rage Against the Machine decided to get together and tour and I GOT TICKETS! Now, the fucking show is postponed and who in the Hell knows what may happen. Thanks Obama Corona!
Now, I'm going to get a little sappy. I really hope that amid all of the fear in our hearts and minds and freedoms that we're (temporarily) losing, we can come together. This is something affecting THE ENTIRE HUMAN RACE. It's not an "us vs. them," or "government vs. us," thing. We're all in the same predicament.
If I've got some extra toilet paper, I'll share it with you (and I do have a few extra rolls ...). If I can help you, I'll do what I can and I hope you can all say the same thing. The one small thing we can all do is just stay away from each other for awhile. Social media allows us to stay away from each other while still staying in touch; so stick with that. Let's have Facebook Live parties or video chats. Cool?
I really hope that no one I know or that they know gets sick. I hope that one day we can look back on this and think "Whew. That sucked, but we made it!" I'm pulling for you all, but mostly I'm pulling for US ALL!
Till next time ... love to you.
You know when your friends get boyfriends and then you never hear from them anymore because they're always having sex or doing something "couple-y" and you just want to punch them in the face, but you can't because you never see them? Well, my blog feels that way about me. I've been virtually punched in the face at least 4 times this past month, so I figured it was time to write something obtuse and get this blog-bitch off my ass.
I love to write, but I feel I've lost my "Spiffy mojo" since I don't have much to bitch about any more. I'm in love and I'm feeling more positive about my job, so life is pretty good.
With that, I think I'll focus on random thoughts that may have crossed my mind recently. Are you ready?
- Would I still cuss like a sailor if I had kids? I mean, I know I wouldn't cuss around them, but I really, really like to cuss and I think I would secretly go into a closet and drop F-bombs just to remind myself of who I really am and how well "for fuck's sake" flows off my tongue.
- When someone points out to you "you really cuss a lot," are they trying to tell you that they are really a big pussy and can't handle the sweet, sweet sounds of my colorful language?
- I just wrote two bullet points about cussing. WTF is wrong with me? Damnit ... now three ...
- I went to watch my main squeeze umpire girls softball today and took a look around at all of the parents. Is it written somewhere that once you have kids in sports that 1) you turn into a mouthy, bitchy, know it all who thinks their kid does no wrong; 2) your sense of fashion and understanding how to buy properly fitting clothes goes straight out the door? Seriously, stop in front of a mirror before you leave the house, camel-toe.
- Why is it difficult for people to understand how fucking fabulous I truly am?
- I had a discussion with a stranger in the Phoenix Skyharbor Airport bathroom about how effing hot it is there and how every woman needs a crotch fan. Now I really, really want to be the inventor of the "Comfy Crotch." I named it, bitches, back off!
- Why is Times New Roman the most annoying font to read? Ugh.
That's all for now, friends. Happy Mother's Day to all of my favorite mommas out there! I hope none of you are breast feeding your three-year old, but if you are, I'm not judging, just saying "ew."
It's not easy being Spiffy. Sometimes people don't know how to take me and other times I don't know how to think before I speak. There's a fine line between funny and offensive and I typically find myself walking it on a daily basis. Most of the time I think I'm offensively funny, but unfortunately that doesn't work for some people. Be 100% sure that there is no fine line on this post. I'm letting my frustrations out!
I'm sure that there are many other people out there in the same boat. My fellow human beings who wonder about the meaning of life and whether they're living the life they should. My fellow human beings who are often mistreated, misplaced, and misunderstood (thanks, Pink!). My fellow human beings who find it hard to separate themselves into all of the compartments that people want to put them into. My fellow human beings who really just want to be happy and wonder why there are so many unhappy, haters in the world. My fellow human beings who just want to be all that they can be (outside of the Army) without being cut down at the knees. The more I write, the more I seem to relate to fucking Lady Gaga and her 'Little Monsters'. Damnit.
So, I'm using this post to send out a big FUCK YOU to all of the haters on all of our behalf.
FUCK YOU if you think it's OK to make someone feel bad about themselves in an effort to divert attention away from your shitty-self.
FUCK YOU for telling me that I'm not nice.
FUCK YOU for not appreciating me.
FUCK YOU for hurting my feelings and humiliating me.
FUCK YOU for pretending that you're my friend.
FUCK YOU for backing me into a corner that I can't get out of.
FUCK YOU for making me cry. FUCK YOU!
OK, that's enough of the outburst. It's now time to return to introspection and learning how to be a better person. Heaven forbid I offend one other person... :)
