Pants? Who needs 'em?!

It is officially too hot for pants.  I've decided that it's pants-free Thursday and I'm feeling pretty good about it.  I invite you all to strip down and join in the revolution! Cellulite, be damned!

So the Supreme Court upheld "Obamacare" today. The raging liberal in me has been flying imaginary birds at all of the Republicans I know, and anyone I come across who I think may be a Republican.  It's been fun. The rest of me just wonders, "what's next?"

I don't for a second believe the "Rs" will let this go and if Obama can't hold onto the White House, who knows what Romney and his Magical Pants Posse will do?
I'm excited that birth control pills will soon be free so I can have unprotected sex with men and not worry about getting knocked up - that's the bonus for me! (Disclaimer: I do not have unprotected sex with random men ... only one ... and he's fixed.)

We'll see how this continues to play out.  Like everything else in politics, I'm sure it will be blown up, over-exaggerated and beaten into the ground while the Republicans continue in their efforts to deport the "illegals" who are putting their blood, sweat and tears into doing the jobs their white collar lazy asses wouldn't do anyway. But, I digress ...

Now, onto the fun stuff, what have I learned this past week?

- I've learned that opportunities are presented to you for a reason and they should be considered with an open mind and open heart.  I'll leave it at that for now.

- I've learned that while things may look great on the outside, often times it's not so great on the inside.  To my friend who decided to go back to being single this week - you're beautiful and smart and deserve the best.  Don't settle for illusions, uncertainty and broken promises.

- I've learned that regardless of who it is, it's kind of flattering to be hit on at a CVS Pharmacy. Or anywhere for that matter.  I looked good in my black dress and he noticed.  Thank you random black guy.  I appreciate the compliment!

- I've been reminded that I don't care how cheap the wine, if it's cold, it tastes good when it's 110 degrees outside.

That's all.  Peace, love and pants-free fun!

I'm a bloody wealth of knowledge. For reals.

True to my word, it's time for me to share some of my newly acquired "Spiffy wisdom."

Today was an average day. A day like most others, except that today, I learned the symptoms of syphillis. You may have two questions: 1) why wouldn't you already know this and, 2) why in the hell do you need to know the symptoms of syphillis?!?

Allow me to address your questions first: 1) I've never worried about contracting syphillis as I'm not a sailor, nor am I a scoundrel (while I do cuss and act like one occasionally). 2) While perusing the news today, I came across an article about syphillis and how it's soon becoming an untreatable STD as it's adapting to all different antibiotics.  It's becoming the SUPER STD!  Flying through your bloodstream with the greatest of ease.  It's a sore!  It's a rash!  It's blindness, nerve damage and mental disorders!

This article lead to a discussion regarding which STD could cause body parts to fall off as one of my co-workers swears she heard about a guy losing his nose from a rogue, un-treated STD.  I still haven't figured that one out, so if any of you have an answer to that, let me know! 

The second thing I've learned (which I've actually known for a while, but I'm reminded of it each time I pack for a work trip) is that I want to get one of those cool, hard-cased, carry-on size roller bags.  Maybe I could get one with a skull and cross-bones on the outside; that would be FANTASTIC!  Any suggestions?

Until next time ...

Lessons learned and miscellaneous Jibber-jabber

So, you all should know that while I was driving home tonight, I saw Hot Dad driving down the highway next to me!  Yep, he was alive and since he was driving, he obviously hadn't lost his hands, so that couldn't be the reason why he never called me. ;)  I think I'll chalk that one up to fate since I'm much better off with my guy, who also happens to be a hot dad. :)

Since I haven't been able to do much in the way of entertaining the blogosphere lately, I thought I'd make a concerted effort to learn something new every day and share it with the world ... I have a few days of catching up to do, so here's what I've learned lately:

- Blue fingernails are fun until one breaks off and leaves your hand looking mishapen and nubbish (see below for proof).

 

- People in motor cycle clubs are not supposed to wear their patches into restaurants or bar establishments. Doing so could result in a fist to the face or foot up the ass.

- The longer you're in a relationship, the easier it is to justify leaving the house looking like a homeless crack whore: jammie pants, t-shirt / no bra, no make-up, hair disheveled ... you get the picture. I justified my bedraggled look because I was going to get a spray tan, which leads me to the next lesson...

- Versa Spa tans are awesome and don't leave you stinking like cold, wet french fries. Try it! (Note: Spiffy Chick did not get paid for this endorsement, but she'd gladly accept free tans. Thank you).

- Sometimes men have PMS worse than women. All of the bitching and none of the bloating. 

- As much as I love babies, stick me in a room with screaming kids for five minutes and my ovaries revolt.

- Sometimes my dogs really piss me off, but when I'm away from them for more than two days, I miss their stinky, snoring, chubby asses horribly!

- There are few things more amazing than hearing a lion carol or a tiger growl in person. It gives you the chills!

And, the final lesson I've learned lately is that there is always something new to learn. Once you think you know it all, you cease to be bewildered by all that life has to teach you. I refuse to let that happen to me!

Until tomorrow, my pretties ... tell me what you've learned lately!