I went to Brazil and all I got was this lousy bald spot??

Forewarning: this one is vulgar. If you're a prude or a judger, just save yourself time and close now. :) If you can appreciate my sense of humor, read on!

Today was officially the closing ceremonies of "Bush Fest 2012." As with all good closing ceremonies, there was music (I'm pretty sure we jammed to some old school rap), tears (one word - RIP), and laughter (Jen was still drunk at 9am).
My co-competitor, Jen, and I made our way to the European Wax Center bright and early with one goal in mind: go bald, or go home!

When we parked, we saw this sign, inviting us to enter through the front door:

We appreciated the courtesy and free wax offer, after all, the competition has spanned a month and they had their work cut out for them, but Jen was quick to let them know that they need to show love for the back door as well (see below):

After the back door hijinx, we made our way inside and were promptly schooled on the difference between a "full" and a "brazilian" wax. Many of you may been under the same impression as I that a full was basically a "high and tight" and the brazilian was the "whole shebang," but actually, the only difference is the "butt strip."

Yes, ladies, for those of you with hairy taints, you can get that waxed for an additional $8. Thankfully, neither of us required a taint waxing, so we proceeded into our SEPARATE rooms with our very nice, patient and professional waxers.

I'll leave the details out, but I will say this: no other woman has been that up close and personal with my chocha. You think it's going to be awkward laying there, spread eagle getting wax spread all over your bits, but it really wasn't that bad. 

Now, it's like I've got a shiny, new toy and no one to play with it!  Thankfully, the "newness" shouldn't wear off for a few weeks, so we'll see what I can drum up. I am going on vacation to Cali in a couple of weeks ... Maybe a young, stoned, impressionable cougar-chasing surfer is in my future?? :)

I get $5 off when I refer a friend, so ladies if you're interested in going from "woogie" to "wow!" let me know. Guys, you can keep yourself manscaped as well, as long as it's above the waist. I'm sure there are some guys that have a "waxing their nads" fetish, but the European Wax Center is not the place for you! Take that shit down to Lola's Strip and Rip! :)

Until next time ...

It's time ...

In case you're new to this blog, I was dumped by the man who I thought was the love of my life a month ago. I guess he's right, he really did do me a favor in the long run, because I don't know how I could have ever loved someone who treated me with such disregard.

I've had a month to marinate in it. I've moped around, bitched, moaned, cried and fought of a huge amount of hatred in my heart. Now, it's time to move on.

It's been a long time since I've felt so much anger toward one person. You know how many times when you break up you wish the best for the other person and hope they end up happy one day? Nope, not this time.

I literally wished him to die and burn in Hell and thought that maybe then he'd feel the kind of pain he caused me. The past few days, though, things have lightened up. It's not healthy to hold on to that kind of anger, so I'm letting it go and moving on.  For reals this time! :)

You know what that means, right? It means it's time to end "Bush Fest 2012" and celebrate the re-debut of "Spiffygina"! I figure by the time I get around to meeting someone and fornicating again I'll practically be re-virginized, so I'm sure this is worth some type of celebration, right?!  Pomp and circumstance, horns, balloons, confetti ... maybe I can get the Marching Cobras to come out and bust a move on behalf of my shiny new girly bits!!

My co-partner in Bush Fest 2012 bowed out earlier this week. We didn't officially "measure up," but I'm pretty sure we made it back to the early 80's. Impressive ...

So, now all I have to do is find my game and get back out there, right? Now ... what did I do with Meat's number ...? :)

Peace out, bitches!