I Don't Mean to Brag, But ...

I'm a funny mo fo!  I've been reading back through all of my blogs since the beginning (copying them into Word so I can start penning my life into my best selling memoir!), and have been laughing for the past hour.  My life truly is a shit-show at times!

I've noticed that I haven't been as surly, crude, or (if I'm being honest in my critique), as funny since I was dumped by d-bag in July of 2012, and I need to do something about that! 

So, with that being said, you should all know that at the prodding of a couple of my friends, I've decided to weigh my breasts. And, contrary to their smart-assed belief, my boobs are only around 400 grams or 1 lb. each. So THERE! 

Note: These are not my boobs. And, they definitely weigh more than 1 lb each.

Now, I'm not making any promises that the weighing process was scientific. I used my Weight Watcher scale and tried to stay still, but it's pretty close! Yeah, that just happened...

I haven't felt well the past couple of days and stayed home from work today. Let's just say, I'm getting bored. There's got to be something more productive for me to do during my day of convalescence, but who knows. At least I learned something new! :)

Happy New Year!

It's been a few months since I've graced you all with my blogging presence, so I thought it fitting to kick of 2014 by unloading my thoughts onto you.  After all, it's been a long time. Shouldn't have left you. Without a dope beat to step to (step to, step to, wicky wicky wicky...)  Yeah, I just blog-rapped your ass!

So, 2013 was definitely not the best year of my life. I spent the first 5 1/2 months searching my soul, while searching for a new job. I didn't mind the soul search; I actually learned a lot about myself and realized how strong and resilient I truly am. The job search sucked.  Period. There is nothing fun about basically whoring yourself out while trying to convince people that you are the perfect person to fill their coveted job. If you haven't interviewed in awhile, I suggest you give it a try. It's a hoot! 

21 interviews later, I landed back in radio. It's been a rough six months, but I think the waters are looking a little less choppy in 2014. If at first you don't succeed, dust yourself off and try again, right?? (you see the Aaliyah theme here?) 

Enough about that (dusting off shoulders, gangsta-style)! How about a look at my love life in 2013? I had a couple of escapades and some GREAT stories (most that I won't share with you ... sorry), but there was definitely no love connection. 

It continues to baffle me how difficult it is to find another human being to "connect" with. There are millions of people roaming this beautiful Earth and for one reason or another, I (like many others) can't find my other half. I meet guys who I'm interested in, but either they aren't available or they aren't interested in me or they're hung up on someone else ... you get the picture. 

Ever the optimist, I'm continuing my quest into 2014! Every bad date I have is another story for my memoir, right?? :)  Which leads me to my next thought, I'm going to write a book this year.  It's time to put all of my thoughts, stories, and experiences to good use! I mean, you guys get a kick out of reading about my shit-show life, why wouldn't others?? :0  I'm looking for volunteers to keep me on task and edit my work. Apply within. Be prepared to whore yourself out in the interview process because I'm sadistic like that. ;)

As cliche as this is, I'm starting this year with a clean slate in my heart and mind. I will forgive those who've wronged me, forgive myself for the stupid mistakes I've made, stop letting my past affect how I look at my present, stop beating myself up over my chub, and will do my best to stop assuming everyone has an ulterior motive to their kindness. (How about that for a cathartic look at my demons??) 

I will also keep using random song lyrics to make a point, cussing like a sailor, giving as much as I've got to give to finding homes for homeless animals, secretly twerking in my front room with my dogs (well, they don't twerk, they just watch ... in awe), and breaking out in random songs for no reason at all.

Happy 2014, bitches!! (I use that term with nothing but love.)