She's a Super Freak, Super Freak, She's Supa Freaky!!

I fantasize a lot.  Not always sexually (although a lot sexually...wink wink...wait till you turn 40 and your sex drive explodes!), but I do fancy myself a dreamer.

I dream about what I would do if I won the lottery (too much to list right here, but it includes paying off my bills and the bills of a few select friends and family members while providing a college fund for a few select friends kids since I have none of my own right now and traveling and buying a nice house and a new car and opening my own business...and exhale...). 

I think about what I would say if I had the chance to talk to Hot Dad (let's just say it wasn't what I actually said when we spoke because I'm just that much of a lame chicken shit).  I think about who I'm going to be in 10 years and whether I'll be married with a family or some old maid living alone (dear Jesus, please NO!!). 

I sometimes picture myself in life-threatening situations and pretend that my friends are sad that I may have almost died and all come to visit me in the hospital and that this may just be what that guy needs to finally realize he really likes me...  I told you, I'm a freak.  But I'm pretty sure I'm not the only freak with a wild imagination, right??

That's always been one of my problems.  I constantly think about the future and what is going to happen and what I need to do to make sure what I want to happen, happens.  Or, I worry about how I'm going to handle something that I don't want to deal with.  I have a very hard time living in the "now" reality.  I don't always think that's a bad thing because sometimes my "now" reality really sucks!

Last night I was giving smooches to my dogs before bed and I had a nice long look at my baby girl, Asia.  She's getting up there in age, so I started smelling her chubby cheeks and squishing her beautiful face and trying to imagine what life is going to be without that face every day.  It makes me so sad to think about life without her, but the reality is that one day, I'll have to deal with it.  Just like I'll have to deal with the reality that my life is going to be what it will be.  I just have to do my best not to be blinded by my fantasies when reality hits me in the face.

In the meantime, I like to imagine myself as a winner, like that Asian guy who eats all the hot dogs, or Rue Maclanahan, you know, from the Golden Girls.

...wink, wink...