Plan B

Ask my friends, I've lived all over the place.  I used to move about once a year.  Wasn't really anything that I planned, it just sort of happened. I got bored or my roommate left or I got divorced.  Pick any of the above.

I've lived in some shit holes and I've lived in some really nice places.  Currently I'm in a pretty nice place, except for the fact that some douche bag thinks he needs to set his alarm on his Tahoe at 5:30pm...and it keeps going off.  I'd like to remind him that we're in Lenexa and he's more likely to see a Johnson County MILF take it in the back door than anyone try to take off in his piece of shit, but whatevs.  And, in case you're wondering, it's highly unlikely you'll find a JOCO MILF who will take it in the back door...

I lived in a really kick ass apartment in my early 30's with my friend Kris.  We had a lot of fun, threw a lot of parties, and drank a lot of beer on our patio.  We lived across the street from the KCPT tower so every winter, we'd play "dodge the ice shard" when big sheets of ice would fall thousands of feet to the ground and crash into pieces.  It was a hoot.  We had this really cool lesbian named Julie who lived below us.  She helped us get rid of a mouse who was unfortunate enough to make its way into our sticky trap, and she threw loud lesbian parties where they all stood outside and sang "The Tide is High" by Blondie at 3am.  We loved Julie.


I lived in a not so nice place in Roeland Park after I got divorced.  My pipes burst twice in one winter and flooded my apartment both times.  Like water pouring out from underneath my doors down the driveway flooding.  It was nasty.  While residing in said shit hole, I came home from class one night to find two young "gentlemen" loitering outside of my building.  I tried to walk inside and pretend I didn't see them, but my super hottness attracted them, apparently, and they started chatting me up.

I played along, chatted back, said goodnight and walked inside; freaked out that they knew where I lived and I had no idea who they were.  So, what did I do?  What any single girl SHOULD do - I called the cops. 

Not like a 911 call, just a call to the local po po asking, "Hey, if you don't mind, would you send a car through here to make sure all is well? Thanks..."  So I went to bed and about 5 minutes later, 3 cop cars came blaring in, full spot lights and bullhorns - no shit.  Like these guys couldn't figure out who called the cops on them!!  Seriously?!

The cops questioned them and then they left and left the guys there, so who has two thumbs and was freaked out all night that I was going to get gang-raped?? THIS GAL!

The place I live in now is nice and has one really nice perk who I like to call "Hot Dad."  There used to be two "hot dads" but one moved.  Luckily this one is still around and he gives me much pleasure.  Not that kind of pleasure, (unfortunately), but pleasure while I watch him my window from time to time...(can you say stalker??)  He's bald and rides a Harley and has two cute little girls - thus the name "hot dad."  Without the kids he'd just be "hot dude," pssshees. 

I moved here because it's nice and I thought I should live somewhere nice while I track down my next husband.  I'm not really sure how well that plan is going, so I may have to work on a Plan B... :)  But who knows.  I still have my super hottness.

Peace out, bitches!