My title doesn't mean anything other than I'm sucked into the Bachelor...again. I empathize with these girls in that there is no way in Hell I would be able to share one guy with a bunch of hoochies. But they put themselves in the situation, so stop crying about your daddy issues, suck it up and show him you're the one for him, not looney Michelle who may have a skinned cat under her bed...I'm just sayin'.
It's time for my own confessional - I fell off the detox wagon. I can admit it. I'm not proud of it, but I've decided that it wouldn't be worth it to concoct some wild haired story about how I was abducted by a little known tribe of Carb Ninjas and forced to eat Girl Scout cookies and drink beer. Yeah...that wouldn't be believable at all...
The truth is that I finished four days and decided that I wasn't happy with the restrictions of eating only fruit and veggies; even if it was for only ten days. And I was pretty sure I had nothing left to "clean out" of my body...if you know what I mean.
So yes, I quit the detox, but no, I'm not giving up on healthy eating habits. I'm not a quitter - unless you count smoking, two marriages, and a couple of fast-food jobs.
Along with a few of my fantastic girlfriends, I started Weight Watchers today. I know the program works, I've done it before, but I've never lost all of the weight that I'd like to lose. This time, it's on like Donkey Kong! My ass is going to be so hot your eye balls will sweat every time you check it out! No more jiggles unless you're talking about my fantastic rack!
I'm not the only one - my girlfriends are already beautiful, but I can't wait to watch them shrink away while their inner-divas grow into Foxy Sirens! Meeeeooowww!
OK, I've laid down the gauntlet. I'm going to focus on putting only good things into my big mouth so that plenty more smart, funny, surly stories can come out. You've been warned.
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