I've dedicated several of my posts to my love life or lack thereof, so why stop now?
Over the weekend I moved to my new pad (and I L-O-V-E it), but I couldn't leave without one last effort to get into Hot Dad's pants.
I mentioned before that I was going to leave him a note if I didn't see him, so that's just what I did. I decided that if I were to have a chance in hell luring him into my "Spiffy web," I needed to keep it simple. Wemember. Be vewy, vewy, qwiet when hunting wabbits...
While the thought of drawing a picture of stick-figure me on the back of his stick-figure bike with my hands near his stick-figure penis would be an absolute HOOT, I'm not sure how he'd feel about it.
Instead I wrote a nice note and told him that one of the best things about living in that overpriced box over the last four years was chatting with him and that he should give me a call if he'd like to hang out sometime. Straight and too the point.
Note was written, now all I had to do was get it under the garage door. I had it all planned out. I'd been eyeing his garage for the past week and it looked like there was a gap at the bottom through which my note would fit just nicely. So once I'd finished cleaning and packing the last of my crap into my car, I grabbed the note from my purse and sauntered over to the garage. All the while looking around to make sure no one was watching me. I mean come on...I'M the only one who should be spying out my window!
When I got to the garage I bent over and tried to slide the note under the door. I quickly realized that the hole was not as big as it looked (that's what she said) because the note would not slide under.
I walked back to my car, dejected, but on my way back I had a quick pep talk with myself and reminded myself that I'd kick my own ass if I didn't do this, so I went back to the garage and SHOVED that bitch under the door! Phew! I hope I didn't wedge it into a random tool lying on the ground, but regardless, as of this very moment, I have not heard from him. BUT, I'm not giving up hope. :)
Now, onto the next "Spiffy moment." I hired a moving company to handle my move over the weekend. While I'm glad I did, I think I may have made a new "friend" that I didn't really want to make...
One of the movers, Kenny aka "Texas" took a liking to me. Not sure why; I was a sweaty, no-make-up, messy hair, gross-looking pig, but he said I had "a nice smile and a great attitude." CLEARLY he doesn't know me...
What I learned about Kenny because he talked A LOT about himself: he just moved here six weeks ago from Texas because he "needed a change." He left behind his two daughters and an ex-wife (who he loved so much he had her name tattoo'd on his neck) to move to Missouri and work for a moving company. He took a few semesters of college (I can't remember where) and a speaking course because he "didn't want to offend people."
He was looking for someone to show him around Kansas City and apparently thought I was just the girl to do it because he proceeded to lay the mack down. I was bombarded with "babes," and "sweets," and "dears." He told me how he loved to cook and how great of a cook he was. He mentioned that I'll need to get a bigger TV "if he's going to come over and hang out with me." He mentioned that "if this thing works out, you'll have to tell me what's in those boxes in your storage unit." Seriously. Layed. It. On. Thick.
While Kenny was "charming," he had THE WORST teeth I've ever seen in my entire life. So tobacco stained they really didn't have any hint of white to them. I know, I've painted a beautiful picture of Kenny, haven't I. You would've thought that being the bitch that I can be I would have put the kabosh on it right from the start but truthfully, I was afraid he'd break my shit or go crazy, so I fed into it.
When they finally finished (5 hours later) he asked if I wanted his number, so I took it. What I should have done was just put it into my phone and left it at that, but what did I do? I FUCKING CALLED HIM SO HE HAD MY NUMBER. What the fuck was wrong with me?? I blame it on extreme heat exhaustion and dehydration. I don't think I had peed at all and I'm pretty sure there were toxins backed up that may have affected my brain...I'm just sayin'...
So good ole' Kenny sent me a few text messages, all very nice, telling me how he would be a great friend to have, etc., blah, blah. Unfortunately, I don't think I'd be a very good friend to Kenny, so I decided to nip it in the bud before the bud tried to bloom. I apologized for giving him my number and leading him to believe that I was interested in anything. He seemed to take it well and I haven't heard from him since. Unfortunately, he knows where I live...ugh.
I will conclude my post by letting you all know that the "hole in the pit of my stomach" feeling has finally subsided. I absofuckinglutely love my new place and I can't wait to have people over. I've had a couple of visitors, which is pretty close to the total number of people that ever came to visit me when I lived in Lenexhell, so things are looking up!
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