I have some really great friends who live all over the place: Cali, Connecticut, Ohio, some other states out east, some other states out west, Atlanta, Florida, yadda yadda, north of the river in MO, and how can I forget - Gardner, Kansas.
My friends in Gardner like to throw parties. Give them the slightest reason and it's a firepit and SoCo shots all around! Whoo! Oh, and don't forget the beer pong...gotta have the beer pong.
Most of the time I end up shit faced and showing my boobs or making some sort of ass out of myself at the "G-Town" parties. Case in point: New Years Eve 2008 into 2009. Spiffy was invited to a party and had never before met the hosts. The theme to the party - Beer from Around the World.
Everyone brought beer from around the world and each hour, everyone got to slam one beer from around the world. This, on top of the concoction I've now labeled "Pink Death," aka vodka and pink lemonade.
Needless to say, Spiffy was slurry and blurry waaaay before midnight. My fellow "Obama Gal" Val and I got into a very intelligent political argument with the Republican party host (I'm sure we supported our point of view with both penetrating and factual pieces of information. I'm just sure of it...).
After said debate, or "scream fest," someone must have dared me to show my boobs. I don't remember exactly how it happened, but it was probably, "Hey (insert Spiffy's name), show yer tits!" Apparently after many trips around the world and at least 32 oz. of Pink Death, showing my tits was a good idea, so I did. And cameras were there to capture the magic! Yeah!
On a positive note, I did receive efficacious praise regarding how "nice my tits" were, so I had that going for me...
Make your point, Spiff...OK, so my point is this. I usually make an ass out of myself at G-Town parties, but last night, I DIDN'T! It wasn't me who went around the party showing off her girly bits. It wasn't me who went a little kooky and started blessing the crowd with her "vagina water." It wasn't me who chased people around the fire trying to throw said "vagina water" on them. It wasn't me...
As I tell this story, I'm still slightly hung over, but I'm laughing at all of the fun we had last night. I love my friends. They are crazy and funny and I wouldn't have it any other way. And also, because I'm pretty sure I'll make an ass out of myself at one of the parties soon, so I'm pointing fingers while I can. :)
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Revision: "I'll blog whenever I can remember, hopefully every day..."
I went to bed last night and neglected to turn the world on with my smile...or in this case, my blog.
Here's my dilemma - I waded in the shallow end if you will and threw down an NC-17 blog the other day. I used the word “cock ring” and “vibrator” in the same blog. Some people were shocked, others secretly titillated, others openly titillated. Heck, there’s probably one or two of you right now who are either getting a slight chubby at my use of the word titillate (now three times) or giggling because it’s a funny word. Personally, I’m a giggler.
I think there may be some high expectations out there for me to keep it on the A-Train to Nastyville, but I don't think I'm going to take it there tonight. After all, it’s Thursday and while I’m not a religious person, I believe next Thursday is Maundy Thursday and I don’t want to piss any Catholics off exactly one week before a religious holiday.
Instead, tonight I’ll pay homage to one of my dear friends by mentioning nice things about her and why I’m glad she’s a part of my life (awwww….). Now don’t get all pissy if you don’t see your name this time. I’ll try to say something nice about you soon. Or maybe something not so nice, but you’ll be mentioned, so chill!
I kid…
My friend Courtney is hands-down the kindest person that I know. The great thing about her kindness is that she’s kind to EVERYONE. Seriously. She always asks if I want anything from the cafeteria when she goes there for lunch, she’s always got a positive attitude, and she’s been my sounding board and shoulder to cry on when I was at my lowest. She makes me laugh and most importantly, as I discovered today, she has the rhythm of a one-legged drunk and doesn’t care! Everyone send her positive vibes – she’s training for her first 5k! Go, Courtney, go!! I only hope that I bring as much to your life as you bring to mine. xoxo
OK, that’s enough of “Sappy Spiffy” for one night. Titillate. :)
Here's my dilemma - I waded in the shallow end if you will and threw down an NC-17 blog the other day. I used the word “cock ring” and “vibrator” in the same blog. Some people were shocked, others secretly titillated, others openly titillated. Heck, there’s probably one or two of you right now who are either getting a slight chubby at my use of the word titillate (now three times) or giggling because it’s a funny word. Personally, I’m a giggler.
I think there may be some high expectations out there for me to keep it on the A-Train to Nastyville, but I don't think I'm going to take it there tonight. After all, it’s Thursday and while I’m not a religious person, I believe next Thursday is Maundy Thursday and I don’t want to piss any Catholics off exactly one week before a religious holiday.
Instead, tonight I’ll pay homage to one of my dear friends by mentioning nice things about her and why I’m glad she’s a part of my life (awwww….). Now don’t get all pissy if you don’t see your name this time. I’ll try to say something nice about you soon. Or maybe something not so nice, but you’ll be mentioned, so chill!
I kid…
My friend Courtney is hands-down the kindest person that I know. The great thing about her kindness is that she’s kind to EVERYONE. Seriously. She always asks if I want anything from the cafeteria when she goes there for lunch, she’s always got a positive attitude, and she’s been my sounding board and shoulder to cry on when I was at my lowest. She makes me laugh and most importantly, as I discovered today, she has the rhythm of a one-legged drunk and doesn’t care! Everyone send her positive vibes – she’s training for her first 5k! Go, Courtney, go!! I only hope that I bring as much to your life as you bring to mine. xoxo
OK, that’s enough of “Sappy Spiffy” for one night. Titillate. :)
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Day 2...um, I mean 3 of the "Blog a Day" challenge
If I'm anything, it's honest. And if I'm anything else, it's a smart ass. But I digress.
I said I'd write a blog a day for the next 30 days and I didn't get around to writing last night. But, by the response from my Sunday blog, no one gives a shit anyway. All I can hear in my head are crickets chirping and the voice of this asshole I dated in my early 20's saying, "No one else may think you're pretty, but I think you're pretty." Yeah, he was a misogynistic, abusive, prick. And I am pretty, so suck it Louis Mayorga.
A friend of mine keeps telling me that I should write about vibrators. I'm not sure how much you'll want to talk about your personal vibrator experience, but I will say this - every girl should have one. Here's a cartoon rendition of my favorite. He looks kind of, um speedy, and maybe a little "bad," huh?? :)
OK, along that line, I have a question for you. If you own a "sexual toy" and have used said "sexual toy" with a partner, and later break up with that partner, is it appropriate to use the same "sexual toy" with your next partner? My philosophy is what they won't know won't hurt 'em and that cock ring cost me $20, so deal with it, but what about you?
Happy Tuesday! :)
I said I'd write a blog a day for the next 30 days and I didn't get around to writing last night. But, by the response from my Sunday blog, no one gives a shit anyway. All I can hear in my head are crickets chirping and the voice of this asshole I dated in my early 20's saying, "No one else may think you're pretty, but I think you're pretty." Yeah, he was a misogynistic, abusive, prick. And I am pretty, so suck it Louis Mayorga.
A friend of mine keeps telling me that I should write about vibrators. I'm not sure how much you'll want to talk about your personal vibrator experience, but I will say this - every girl should have one. Here's a cartoon rendition of my favorite. He looks kind of, um speedy, and maybe a little "bad," huh?? :)
OK, along that line, I have a question for you. If you own a "sexual toy" and have used said "sexual toy" with a partner, and later break up with that partner, is it appropriate to use the same "sexual toy" with your next partner? My philosophy is what they won't know won't hurt 'em and that cock ring cost me $20, so deal with it, but what about you?
Happy Tuesday! :)
Sunday, April 10, 2011
No more slackin' off!
When I started this blog I was going to make a determined effort to write once a week. That hasn't happened. I find myself battling bouts of writers block partnered with, "Ooh...I can't write that. (Insert person name) will know I'm writing about them..." Basically I've been cock-blocking myself. Which is odd because, well...I don't have a cock.
Today is a new day, and along with new days come new beginnings, and with new beginnings come new promises which then lead to new lies... Its a vicious, shitty cycle. Anywhooo, here it goes - I promise to write a blog a day for the next thirty days. And we all know that like all good people in the sales profession, Spiffy would never make a promise she truly doesn't intend to keep...
Here's my question for you - do you believe in the need for a rebound "relationship"? I personally never felt the need for a rebound. I needed to take some time off and rebuild myself - yes, but I didn't need to suck some poor sap dry of his self-esteem while rebuilding my own.
Now, with that stated, if you're both on the same page and accept that your temporary meeting of minds and body parts won't lead to anything beyond the bedroom, then go for it. Hump, bump, and pump away!
On the other hand, is it healthy to jump right from one relationship to another without either "rebounding" or just being single for a while? I know a few people who've jumped right from one to another (some while still in current relationships - yes I'm talking to you...) and are still in those relationships. They seem to be happy, so who am I to judge, right? My name ain't Judy and I don't have a gavel!
To rebound or not to rebound - that is the question...let me know what you think!
Today is a new day, and along with new days come new beginnings, and with new beginnings come new promises which then lead to new lies... Its a vicious, shitty cycle. Anywhooo, here it goes - I promise to write a blog a day for the next thirty days. And we all know that like all good people in the sales profession, Spiffy would never make a promise she truly doesn't intend to keep...
Here's my question for you - do you believe in the need for a rebound "relationship"? I personally never felt the need for a rebound. I needed to take some time off and rebuild myself - yes, but I didn't need to suck some poor sap dry of his self-esteem while rebuilding my own.
Now, with that stated, if you're both on the same page and accept that your temporary meeting of minds and body parts won't lead to anything beyond the bedroom, then go for it. Hump, bump, and pump away!
On the other hand, is it healthy to jump right from one relationship to another without either "rebounding" or just being single for a while? I know a few people who've jumped right from one to another (some while still in current relationships - yes I'm talking to you...) and are still in those relationships. They seem to be happy, so who am I to judge, right? My name ain't Judy and I don't have a gavel!
To rebound or not to rebound - that is the question...let me know what you think!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Get up, pack it in. Let me begin...
Have I mentioned lately how hard it is for me to accept my age? Maybe that's not the right way to put it. I accept my age, I just don't know what my age is supposed to "feel" like.
My 20 year old self thought that my 40 year old self would have accomplished more by now. Maybe I'm too hard on my 40 year old self. I've accomplished a lot, seen a lot, done a lot, but there is still much more that I'd like to accomplish, see and do. (inner dialogue... "So suck it, 20 year old Spiffy! You can't make me feel bad about myself!" And...scene...).
That segues nicely into what's been bugging me lately - I've got a hair up my ass to buy a house or a condo or a town home. Basically I feel I need to "own" something. Which leads to the problem that we all have. What makes the world go 'round? Money!
Well, my problem is a lack of money. If I had money, I wouldn't be blogging to you suckers! I'd be in Europe having sex with hot Irish or Scottish dudes (maybe both..deal), shopping, seeing the world and saving puppies. Seriously.
Why is it so difficult to live the American dream? Don't get me wrong, I understand fully that I've got it made compared to many other people in the US, let alone the rest of the world, but I still wish I could catch a break once in a while.
Maybe that's my problem; I'm waiting around to catch a break when what I need to do is to release control of an uncontrollable situation and accept that I have all that I need. If I start giving more, the universe will return more to me. I sound like I should be sitting in Lotus, chanting in a temple somewhere, concentrating on my third-eye, huh? Actually, that sounds like something I should be doing...but I digress...
Back to owning my own home. I hear it from my friends all of the time, "Why don't you buy a house?" "You're wasting so much money on rent!" And, you know what, they're probably right, but owning is such a huge commitment.
What if I don't like it? What if something blows up or breaks and I can't afford to fix it? What if? What if? What if?!! I think this is why I've had a headache for a few days. I worry about all of the "what if's" because I'm scared of the commitment.
In the back of my mind I still believe that Mr. Right will come along and we'll want to make a life together, or I'll graduate from college this year and get a kick-ass job in some other state, or who the hell knows. Truth is, Spiffy, if it happens, you'll figure it out. Stop trying to control the uncontrollable!
There! I got it off my chest! I've had writers block for a month now. I didn't know what to write about because, believe it or not, I don't like people knowing what's going on in my head. It easier to show the surface than what lies beneath the murky water. Consider this my 'blog therapy', no couch or Kleenex necessary!
I'm going to move forward in my "dream" to be a homeowner once again. There are some circumstances that must be met, but if it's meant to be, it will be.
I would appreciate it if you would all put happy, positive thoughts out into the universe for me. I promise, I'll send them back to you. Namaste. :)
My 20 year old self thought that my 40 year old self would have accomplished more by now. Maybe I'm too hard on my 40 year old self. I've accomplished a lot, seen a lot, done a lot, but there is still much more that I'd like to accomplish, see and do. (inner dialogue... "So suck it, 20 year old Spiffy! You can't make me feel bad about myself!" And...scene...).
That segues nicely into what's been bugging me lately - I've got a hair up my ass to buy a house or a condo or a town home. Basically I feel I need to "own" something. Which leads to the problem that we all have. What makes the world go 'round? Money!
Well, my problem is a lack of money. If I had money, I wouldn't be blogging to you suckers! I'd be in Europe having sex with hot Irish or Scottish dudes (maybe both..deal), shopping, seeing the world and saving puppies. Seriously.
Why is it so difficult to live the American dream? Don't get me wrong, I understand fully that I've got it made compared to many other people in the US, let alone the rest of the world, but I still wish I could catch a break once in a while.
Maybe that's my problem; I'm waiting around to catch a break when what I need to do is to release control of an uncontrollable situation and accept that I have all that I need. If I start giving more, the universe will return more to me. I sound like I should be sitting in Lotus, chanting in a temple somewhere, concentrating on my third-eye, huh? Actually, that sounds like something I should be doing...but I digress...
Back to owning my own home. I hear it from my friends all of the time, "Why don't you buy a house?" "You're wasting so much money on rent!" And, you know what, they're probably right, but owning is such a huge commitment.
What if I don't like it? What if something blows up or breaks and I can't afford to fix it? What if? What if? What if?!! I think this is why I've had a headache for a few days. I worry about all of the "what if's" because I'm scared of the commitment.
In the back of my mind I still believe that Mr. Right will come along and we'll want to make a life together, or I'll graduate from college this year and get a kick-ass job in some other state, or who the hell knows. Truth is, Spiffy, if it happens, you'll figure it out. Stop trying to control the uncontrollable!
There! I got it off my chest! I've had writers block for a month now. I didn't know what to write about because, believe it or not, I don't like people knowing what's going on in my head. It easier to show the surface than what lies beneath the murky water. Consider this my 'blog therapy', no couch or Kleenex necessary!
I'm going to move forward in my "dream" to be a homeowner once again. There are some circumstances that must be met, but if it's meant to be, it will be.
I would appreciate it if you would all put happy, positive thoughts out into the universe for me. I promise, I'll send them back to you. Namaste. :)
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
What's a Spiffy Chick to do...
You may not know this about me, but I'm pretty good at giving advice to others - whether it is solicited or not. Relationship advice is my forte. Again, I believe I'm good at it, those receiving my advice may tell you otherwise. What I'm not good at is figuring out my own relationship issues. Or, in this case, stalled relationship issues.
First off, I think you all should know that among all of my wonderfulness, I have issues. I don't trust people, I'm slow to let them through my surly facade and I often times find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. See, I can admit my own faults.
With that stated, I've been in a holding pattern of sorts with a guy for almost a year now. The first "go round" I had my walls up and didn't make it very easy on him. I felt he was moving too fast when I wanted to slowly get to know him. I cut it off pretty quickly and, honestly, wasn't very nice about it. Afterward I performed a little internal self-analyzing and realized how much of an asshole I was.
When you ask a girl what she wants out of a relationship, one of the first things she'll say is to be with someone who wants to be with her and appreciates her. I had pushed this guy away because I was scared. He wasn't a jerk who led me on, he was a guy who wanted to get to know me. Shame on me.
Fast-forward six months or so later. I apologized profusely, admitted my wrong and my faults and asked if he'd be willing to take it a little slower so we could get to know each other. Well, it's definitely moving slow. We've seen each other a couple of times since then, but there has been little if any effort on his end this go 'round.
Therein lies my dilemma. What's a Spiffy Chick to do? I don't understand his signals. He's not speaking a language that I can interpret. That's the best way I can put it. In the words of the immortal 80's rock band Loverboy - Turn Me Loose (if you're not interested).
So, Spiffy (you may ask) why don't you just read the writing on the wall and move along? Well (I answer) I'm not waiting around, that's for sure, I'm just confused and hoped he would give me a chance.
I'm not sure whether he reads my blog. If he does, he'll know who he is and maybe this will light a fire under his ass. Afterall, we've been stuck on the low end of the bell curve for quite a while...
Oh, and let this be a warning to anyone who crosses my path. You could, one day, become blog fodder. :)
First off, I think you all should know that among all of my wonderfulness, I have issues. I don't trust people, I'm slow to let them through my surly facade and I often times find myself waiting for the other shoe to drop. See, I can admit my own faults.
With that stated, I've been in a holding pattern of sorts with a guy for almost a year now. The first "go round" I had my walls up and didn't make it very easy on him. I felt he was moving too fast when I wanted to slowly get to know him. I cut it off pretty quickly and, honestly, wasn't very nice about it. Afterward I performed a little internal self-analyzing and realized how much of an asshole I was.
When you ask a girl what she wants out of a relationship, one of the first things she'll say is to be with someone who wants to be with her and appreciates her. I had pushed this guy away because I was scared. He wasn't a jerk who led me on, he was a guy who wanted to get to know me. Shame on me.
Fast-forward six months or so later. I apologized profusely, admitted my wrong and my faults and asked if he'd be willing to take it a little slower so we could get to know each other. Well, it's definitely moving slow. We've seen each other a couple of times since then, but there has been little if any effort on his end this go 'round.
Therein lies my dilemma. What's a Spiffy Chick to do? I don't understand his signals. He's not speaking a language that I can interpret. That's the best way I can put it. In the words of the immortal 80's rock band Loverboy - Turn Me Loose (if you're not interested).
So, Spiffy (you may ask) why don't you just read the writing on the wall and move along? Well (I answer) I'm not waiting around, that's for sure, I'm just confused and hoped he would give me a chance.
I'm not sure whether he reads my blog. If he does, he'll know who he is and maybe this will light a fire under his ass. Afterall, we've been stuck on the low end of the bell curve for quite a while...
Oh, and let this be a warning to anyone who crosses my path. You could, one day, become blog fodder. :)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
What's a girl to do about VD??
No, no, no. Spiffy isn't suffering from a case of the oozy bits. Like all other single chicks out there, I'm embarking on another Valentine's Day sans Valentine. (insert sniffle).
I don't really buy into the VD hype. Nah, love is peachy, but I don't think that a $5 bouquet of ditch weed from QT, a heart-shaped box of calories, and a cheesy card with hugging bears or something equally as stupid on the front is required to represent said love...at least not ONLY on February 14th!
Who am I kidding?! I love that shit! Cheese it up! Profess your love using nothing but the sayings on candy hearts. Oh, and you know what I really love? Scavenger hunts! No shit! Lead me around with cryptic little bedazzled love notes that you wrote in puffy paint until I finally find my gift...what's the gift you ask? Why its that one thing that I've been talking about and since you listen to me, you remembered and got it for me. Ahh...Valentine's Day...fuck it.
Let's be honest, fellow single gals - it's February 2nd. It's highly unlikely we'll find a "Valentine" to torture in 12 days, and that's OK. I say we create our own single girl "Secret Valentine"! We'll pick names and fake romance the SHIT out of each other! Who's with me?! (chirp, chirp).
Fingers crossed that Spiffy finds a luva sometime this year. Just in case I find one in the next 12 days - I like dark chocolate, daisies, red wine, and oral sex. :)
Happy Valentine's Day!
I don't really buy into the VD hype. Nah, love is peachy, but I don't think that a $5 bouquet of ditch weed from QT, a heart-shaped box of calories, and a cheesy card with hugging bears or something equally as stupid on the front is required to represent said love...at least not ONLY on February 14th!
Who am I kidding?! I love that shit! Cheese it up! Profess your love using nothing but the sayings on candy hearts. Oh, and you know what I really love? Scavenger hunts! No shit! Lead me around with cryptic little bedazzled love notes that you wrote in puffy paint until I finally find my gift...what's the gift you ask? Why its that one thing that I've been talking about and since you listen to me, you remembered and got it for me. Ahh...Valentine's Day...fuck it.
Let's be honest, fellow single gals - it's February 2nd. It's highly unlikely we'll find a "Valentine" to torture in 12 days, and that's OK. I say we create our own single girl "Secret Valentine"! We'll pick names and fake romance the SHIT out of each other! Who's with me?! (chirp, chirp).
Fingers crossed that Spiffy finds a luva sometime this year. Just in case I find one in the next 12 days - I like dark chocolate, daisies, red wine, and oral sex. :)
Happy Valentine's Day!
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