Ann Landers. Dear Abby. Oprah. Yoda. Spiffy Chick. Three wise women, a Jedi master and a fictional character. You decide which is which, but remember...(Oprah can see everything...)
As a certified Jedi master, I feel it is my duty to bestow sage advice to my twelve or so followers. So, listen up!
- Don't ask a girl out for lunch and before you even meet, tell her that you "haven't lost your winter weight." What's she supposed to say to that? "Well, OK...black is slimming and stay away from the chips and salsa.." I mean seriously?? Play up the positive and let her figure out what a disappointment you are on date #3 or however long it takes you to get her into bed.
- You've heard the adage, "Don't hate the playa, hate the game," right? Well Spiffy says, "Play on, playa!" If you're lucky enough to have two or more people lined up at once, do what you gotta do! Spread it around, just be smart about it. What you shouldn't do is tell the person who set you up with one of your "suitees" that you're messing around with another one of her friends. Stupid. Bonehead. Move.
- Ladies - don't play your relationship issues out on Facebook. I'm sorry if your guy is a douche bag disappointment, but I guarantee as soon as he buys you a bouquet of cheap flowers and tells you how sorry he is while slipping you the bone, you'll forgive him and feel like an idiot for spouting off. Save your fights for the bedroom. Makeup sex is awesome! (at least from what I remember...)
- Speaking of Facebook, you do realize that if FB says your in a relationship, it's the real deal. I mean it's Facebook for fuck's sake! It's more binding than a marriage certificate! Don't change your FB status to "In a Relationship," then change it to "It's complicated," then back to "Single," all in the matter of 24-hours. Make up your fucking mind. It's not that complicated and, quite frankly I'm tired of seeing it on my news feed.
Advice for you I have no more. Good week you should have and cool you should stay... :)
Jedi Master, laugh you make me - out my nose is koolaid... LOL. Love ya.
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